I took a big step today…
Only Ang and Rhe can see this..
I had a huge meltdown this morning. And I’m not proud of how I acted at all. I have a lot of anger issues lately and they all seem to point towards Brianna. I was an absolute witch this morning and Brianna did have fault but she is only 3 years old.. I apologized to her, told her I was wrong, and that I loved her. I spanked her this morning. I don’t believe in spanking… I feel awful, but at the time I was so mad at her disobeying I did not care. I called my Doctor crying.. I have an appt with her tomorrow…. I was on Zoloft before, and I think I might need it again.. I feel so out of control sometimes.. I have to read up on it and breastfeeding though. I think stopping breastfeeding would make me feel even worse.. So that is what is going on with me.. I just feel so awful..
4 Responses to “I took a big step today…”
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Sweet can I just say I totally cried when I read this! Only because I could have written it myself! I also am anti-spanking, but did that stop me today??? unfortunetly no, it did not….
Not to take over your entry, but it was one of those mornings that everything I did went wrong – starting with burning breakfast…and it didn’t help that Janna (mz strong willed very independant I’ll do things my way on my own) was in a very very very defiant attitude today which was strangely mixed with extreme clingyness and whineness…
So, obviously I don’t really have anything to offer…just my love and to let you know I am here if you ever need anything.
I hope your appt. tomorrow goes well hun. I can’t say enough how much difference the Paxil has made, ESP. in my parenting. I was kind of escaping into internet land rather then dealing with the real problems I was having. I am not going to stop nursing Vance either, the risk to bennefit ratio is a tricky one that each mom fighting PPD has to weigh. I am sending you TONS of hugs and love. I am here for you. I know the place you are in, and it is HARD, but going to the doc is the first step in the path to wellness. I love you hun.
*hugs*
parenting is so difficult.. thanks for listening *reading*.. I almost called you this day because I was so upset but it was early and I was afraid to wake you! I know how a pregnant woman needs her sleep haha!
Things are getting better, not the best but I know that I will turn the corner.. Hugs to you!! If it weren’t for you I might not have thought about the things I was doing and feeling.. Being there for you, helped me get help too.. So I really thank you for sharing your difficulties with me.. I’m definitely not stopping nursing. My doc prescribed Zoloft and in a month we’ll see how that was is going.. I love you too hun!