Tired
Being a people pleaser is just not fun. I’m so burnt out. Why do I do this to myself?
I hate being in such denial of my emotions.
Why can’t I process things in a normal healthy way?
I feel like I have only one person in my life right now that I can talk to and vent and try to figure out all these thoughts swirling around in my head. I am beyond thankful for her. I feel safe sharing my hopes and dreams with her.
BUT
There are two other people I should be doing that freely and openly with. The Lord and my husband.
I find it very hard to go to the Lord on my behalf. Praying for other people is so easy. Having a conversation just me and him about me, not so easy anymore.
I love my husband so very much, but I think he is afraid of when I try to go deep. He deflects by saying something funny, and most times I am completely fine with that because it allows me to hide from myself.
Hiding important thoughts and feelings, squashing them down into the abyss is a mistake.
A mistake because sooner or later those emotions and important thoughts and feelings will eventually come bubbling up to the surface and……
Kaboom!
And then I lie dormant.
Until next time.
I don’t want that for my life anymore.
I want to be free.
Lord Jesus, help me to be free.
Thoughts, prayers and scripture all welcome!
3 Responses to “Tired”
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Twitter: RonnicaZ
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I used to bottle up my emotions and explode when they got to be too much. I haven’t done that in a couple of years…not that I’m perfectly aware of my emotions, but I’ve worked a lot on not letting them control me (but at the same time recognizing that I have them). Journaling has helped me a lot, as has praying. When I feel blue or unsure, or whatever, I bring it to God in prayer. It really is a constant giving over my emotions to God.
While there are always better ways to process your feelings, sometimes the perfect or right way isn’t the way you expect, kwim?
or anyone, and maybe by doing so it will help you feel more comfortable and accepting of your feelings and what you need and from who.
You are a wonderful person with such a big heart and so much to give and that is why you tend to people please. It is so not a bad trait until you start neglecting yourself, and as we both know it is easy to do.
I think you need to be less hard on yourself, allow yourself to feel and be a little selfish and know that you can ask for the Lord to help you in any way that you need Him to. As far as Brian goes, he loves you and I think he may not know how to help you when you come to him, and maybe that is his way of not feeling like he is letting you down, avoidance in a way.
I don’t want you think that I am making excuses, just trying to think of the reasons that Brian may be reacting that way. You have to let him know that you NEED to be deep with him, that you need him especially on an emotional level. He may not be aware…
God is always there for you, always listening, and always providing guidance even when you seem closed off.
Talk about it to whomever you can… me
It is okay if you aren’t perfect, pleasing everyone is NOT your job and allowing yourself to be true to you is not only acceptable but necessary.
You are the only other person than Charles that I can go to with anything and get honest feedback and an attentive ear, and sometimes I do talk to you first and seek your advice on how to deal with something before going to him. I do that because I need a “practice run” if that makes sense. I know that you are going to be sensitive to my feelings but also honest and you help me find the best way to present my feelings or even work through the ones that aren’t really relevant to the situation. I am here for you always, and I hope that some of this will help you. You are entitled to all of your feelings and to having the relationship you need with God, that you define, not by what someone else thinks it should be. And with Brian, you have to let him in and let him know how important it is to you to be able to share everything from superficial to extremely deep. He will be there for you, I know it!
I will stop going on and on.
Love you tons!
You put into words beautifully what sooo many women go thru.
I too have struggled, we all do at one time or another.
For me, memorizing and quoting scripture help. Praise music and teachers such as Joyce Meyer help me to contine transforming my thinking.
By the way, your letter, my dear, for the 10 favorite things is “J”.