May Angel Star

I guess that would imply that you are lost to begin with.

In talking with several friends, and I suppose I should clarify that these women are stay at home moms.

I’ve come to the conclusion that when you become a one of these mothers, it’s very easy to immerse yourself in the role so completely that you lose a bit of yourself. You forget what it means to be you the person. You let hobbies and other things you once enjoyed slip to the wayside.

You can become incredibly burnt out.

Let’s face it, doing laundry, making meals, cleaning up, being a chauffer, and a mireade of other things for the 100th time that day can make anyone insane!

Is it fulfilling?

Yes.

Do I love being able to stay home with my kiddos?

Yes.

Do I feel lost and sometimes trapped?

Yes.

I think I feel that way because of a couple of reasons.

I let my relationship with the Lord slide. I compartmentalize it, thinking of Him during Church, Cell group, meal time prayers, and prayers with the kiddos before bed. I think of Him when someone has a prayer request. But I have relationally distanced myself from Him. I’m not sure exactly why, but I know it needs to stop. It’s not how I was designed and I think a lot of my struggles stem from the lack of faith and relationship with Christ.

I don’t do a whole lot for myself. I’ve never been much good at taking care of me and it shows. My body, hobbies, activities, learning all seem to take a backseat in my life.

I’ve become some sort of indoor couch potato, stuffing my face, watching DVR and surfing internet land, not wanting to enjoy much of anything. It’s soul crushing. I feel so useless and depressed.

So…. I’ve been trying to do a couple of things.

1. I opened up an Etsy store and began crocheting like crazy. I’m hoping to sell some stuff. Crochet is something I have loved to do since my Nana taught me. I like creating something with my own two hands that can be used.  Whether it is a blanket for warmth or a wash cloth, it’s neat to be able to craft something. It also makes me feel connected to my Nana.

2. I started writing a book. It’s fiction and exciting and these characters are taking me for a ride. I started down one path and it’s already twisting me in a direction I never thought I would go. It’s really incredible. I think it will be easier to sit down and write when Brianna and Katie are back in school and Alex is taking his morning nap. I love reading, and thought, hey, why not write my own book.

3. I want to play badminton again. For some reason it makes me feel alive when I play and I haven’t played since high school, I’m not talking your neighborhood friendly backyard game. I’m talking, out of breath, running the court and smashing the birdie into the court or your opponent That hurts by the way, a lot. The Dublin Rec Center has something that would work, but it’s Thursday night, our cell group night. I’ve talked to Brian about switching cell groups so I can participate in the badminton league.

4. Now that my knee is healed, I messed it up a bit playing Wii Active, I need to start exercising again. I want to do Wii Active again as well as the Firm abs tape. I really need to work on the tummy, I look pregnant, and believe me, I’m not. It’s always been my problem area.

So that is a couple of things I want to do or am already doing. I’m sure I will find myself in there somewhere.

What do you do?

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