A New Year, A New Me
Wow, it seems weird that the new year is upon us already. I’m not sure where 2010 went and I couldn’t tell you if I had any goals at all or if I even achieved them. I want this year to be different. The last few days I have been thinking on and off about what I wanted to work on this year. Most of the time I sat with nothing but blankness on my mind and my heart full to bursting with how saddened that made me.
I have one major goal for 2011, I want to unwrap myself.
I have tried so very hard throughout my life, not only as an adult but as a child to wrap myself into the package others would want me to be. I rarely did things for myself and then when I would inevitably fail I would be depressed, exhausted and bitter. It’s hard trying to please everyone else because that is an impossible task. I find myself in a place I don’t want to be.
I’m not talking about my marriage or my family here. Believe me when I say I am blessed beyond anything I could imagine. I love my husband and children dearly.
I find myself in a place of confusion. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want to be. When I see the future and try to figure out what I want to do with myself all I see is nothingness. It’s incredibly scary. I don’t want to be that way.
So I am going to unwrap myself, make some good habits, set some goals and try some new and different things.
It’s going to be harder than I could ever imagine.
It’s going to be the best thing I could ever do for myself. I look forward to this year and all it brings.
The hardships, the happiness. The tears, the laughter.
I look forward to all that I try and do accomplish as well as the mistakes I make and hopefully learn from.
I’m beyond ready to grow into who I am supposed to be.
I also hope to share it as I go along.
Without fear.
I want to be me.
I want to be what God designed me to be. Not what I think others want and expect from me. I am tired of not living my life the way God intended.
This might sound completely selfish, but I am really looking forward to actually doing something for me. Doing things that grow me into the woman, wife and mother I was meant to be.
I cannot wait for this new year.
I’m sure I will fall, scrape my knees and get some bumps and bruises along the way, but I am grateful and excited for the journey!
8 Responses to “A New Year, A New Me”
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I have that problem too. May 2011 be the year of openness for us both!!!
(P.S. Still waiting on some of that fantastic story you were writing…*hint,hint*)
girl, we will be “unwrapping ourselves” at the same time (love that imagery/metaphor, by the way!). We can buy stock in Band-aids because I will be busting up my knees, too! We can do it. Together!!! Happy New Year and you are amazing!
What a powerful post, Veronica. And what a great revelation for the new year! I wish you much luck, perseverance and patience on the road to finding/living your life purpose. Cheers to 2011!
I so so so so so hope you continue to share this journey friend. I am also trying to walk down it as well – and don’t even know where to start.
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I felt so much like that when my kids left for college. I had no idea what my purpose in life was and who I was outside of my role as a mother. It took a while, but things did start to fall in place. I am sure you’ll find your “you”!
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[...] anti-goals since the start of the new year. I myself have reflected and shared along those lines here and here. I said that I wanted to make changes, be more open and honest in a way I have never been [...]
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