Archive for the ‘The Kids’ Category

The girls played basketball this winter for their school league. Wednesday night practices and Saturday morning games. Two very different girls, two very different games to watch.

I was proud of Brianna, as always a head taller than her teammates,  passing the ball, giving others a chance to score, when she could take it down herself with no contest. 40+ point games and she would score half of those points on her own. In the zone and loving the game.

I was proud of Katie’s quick pace, her willingness to dribble, strangely left-handed, and try to shoot when she had the chance. I cheered loud and clear when she scored her first basket!

The basketball awards were held last night. The teams were all introduced on the stage to upbeat music, clapping and cheering. A basketball entertainer, funny, mesmerizing to watch as well as sharing the message of Christ, it is a Christian school and league. Then came some special awards for most Christ-like referee, coach, and player in each age group/gender, nominated by players and parents.

Brianna received the honor for 3rd grade girls, she went up on stage and smiled broadly accepting her award.

My heart soared and I clapped with a beaming smile on my face and a quiet whisper entered my heart, This will hurt Katie.

We separated, Alex and Brian off to get Brianna and I to Katie.

Each child received a basketball award and Katie smiled, meekly for the one picture she allowed me to take of her team.

As I led her out to the lobby to meet up with the rest of the family, her small hand in mine, I heard her tiny voice, “Why did Brianna get to go on stage and not me?”

“What did you say?” I stalled, my heart breaking at my sensitive little girl’s sadness, her sister being a shining star, again, and Katie feeling not good enough, not-included.

“Nevermind.” She whispered.

Not the oldest who outperforms at just about everything she tries.

Not the youngest, the baby too cute to do wrong and an all-star at sports at such a young age.

Just the middle.

With a tiny voice.

Feeling insignificant.

And I’m scared…

She is 6 and already shows signs of a crushed little spirit.

I don’t want her to feel that way.

Ever.

I do what I can to build her up.

But what if it’s not enough…

 

Our hands intertwined, my large ivory dress, with scarlet trim barely allowing me in the seat as the band started playing. A crumpled damp tissue clenched in my fist, I dabbed my eyes for the hundredth time as I tried to keep the mascara in place. My heart was swollen, still overwhelmed by Brian’s declaration of love. I had cried in front of all of our family and friends, something I never ever would have voluntarily done. Tears were for the shower, when you were alone and the cascading water could drown out the sobs and wash them away down the drain never to be mentioned again. I had been caught off guard, not by the speech, I knew it was planned, what I did not know was the words that would come from deep within his heart, exposed for all to hear, intimate and crafted with care. Never spoken at our first wedding, generic and thrown together within a couple of weeks, filled with regret and sadness. This time, five years later, meaning so much more than our first vows ever would. Our faith came through with every word. God was the center of our marriage now and forever more, the renewal of our vows a testament to what He had done in our lives.  It was important to us, that our girls and our family and friends know our hearts and see the declaration of our souls back to Him, and our love to one another.

You stood before creation

Eternity within Your hand

You spoke the earth into motion

My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure

Carried the Cross for my shame

My sin weighed upon Your shoulders

My soul now to stand

I sang, whisper soft, letting the words wash over me, through me. They penetrated my heart, the events of the day settling in, growing outward in the form of a smile. My hand enclosed in Brian’s, sweaty and familiar.

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation

Your Spirit alive in me

This life to declare Your promise

My soul now to stand

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

So I'll stand

With arms high and heart abandoned

In awe of the One who gave it all

I bolted out of my chair, eyes, scrunched shut, the tears streamed. My voice came out loud and strong from deep inside. Our hands no longer clasped, now outstretched upwards toward the heavens. I swayed, cradled by the music, the love I had for Him. He had given me the great gift of Brian I love this man and our two girls Precious beyond belief. I was absolutely in love, filled to the brim with emotions, they churned inside yet with peace and understanding. Thankfulness.

So I'll stand

My soul Lord to You surrendered

All I am is Yours

Everyone, everything melted completely away.

Just me.

Just Him.

I believe.

Immense joy swelled within my heart.

So what can I say

What can I do

But offer this heart O God

Completely to You

This post was written for the prompt over at The Red Dress Club.

I could never have imagined the pain searing through my abdomen as that first contraction hit.

After two very similar births I thought the third would be a piece of cake. Have some mild contractions, the ones you talk and laugh through, the kind where your doctor doesn’t even think you are in labor but you surprise them by being four centimeters dilated and get to stay to have a baby. You sit around until you get too uncomfortable, only then asking for the epidural. The numbness sets in rendering you free and relaxed. Then they break your water and a bit later you push a few times and the baby slides out slimy and screaming. As far as my experience had been, giving birth was easy. Heck getting my wisdom teeth out had been much worse!

I was underneath the computer desk with a screwdriver trying to install a new ethernet card. I felt a strange pop within my belly and a slight trickle of liquid leaked from me, like I had peed my pants. Again. I lifted myself up and sure enough the carpet was saturated in one spot. I asked the girls to get me a towel and to get their dad. They didn’t quite understand why I needed the towel, but I told them not to ask questions and just do as I said. I sat on it and Brian trudged up the stairs unhappy after being woken from his nap on the couch.

“What?”

“My water broke!”

“Really?”

His frown instantly changed to a surprised smile.

I was getting ready to leave, chatting on the phone to friends when about twenty minutes later the first contraction hit. I folded over, and thought I was going to die. The pain ripped through my body in a way I had never, ever, felt before. We left with the intention of taking the girls to my parents first. More intense contractions in the car made me reconsider, so my Dad met us at the hospital.

They couldn’t figure out if my water had broken. Twice I had to scoot down. A little more, just a bit more and deal with a speculum during crazy white knuckle grasping the sides of the bed, almost passing out pain. I wait for them to take their little slide under a microscope to figure out if my water did indeed break. I vacillated between venting about having to be in triage to thinking I was going to be ripped in two. I had never felt so much pain in my life and this was my third time around!

“I’m going to die, I’m going to die.”

“Jesus, help me!”

Oh wait, I’m supposed to breathe through contractions. Just remember to breathe.

“I’m dying, I’m dying.”

“Jesus help me, I’m dying!”

The midwife on duty came back to confirm I was telling the truth, my water had in fact broken. I was taken to a room where I got my epidural. Now comfortably numb except for the minor problem of the hot spot in my hip and thigh. I felt everything in that one spot. I didn’t feel like death, but it was no picnic either. Next thing I know it’s go time. A few pushes and out he came with his one little hand up by his head.

Placed upon my chest was my beautiful son. I stared deep into his unique light brown eyes. I was no longer only a mother to girls. Alexander was finally here. This precious baby boy was mine.

Then the whole world shifted.

Written for the prompt over at The Red Dress Club.

Alex and I waited at the bus stop.

I read the book, Extras by Scott Westerfeld.

Alex played with a red-beaded necklace, a chopstick, and a wiffle ball.

It was 4 o’clock.

The bus was late.

It’s been late before.

I pushed away the anxiety that something bad had happened to my girls.

15 more minutes pass.

I rush home because of course my cell phone has been left upstairs in my bedroom, rendering me helpless and disconnected from the world.

I had a missed call and voice mail from the school.

The girls bus had never shown up at all.

They had been at school an extra hour.

I pick them up and I tell them I will get them milk shakes to make up for the bus being ridiculous and me not getting to them sooner because I had forgotten my cell phone.

Get to Steak and Shake and I carry on about how I forgot it was 4:30 and I couldn’t believe I would have to pay full price for milkshakes.

Pretty sure I said “crap” a few times and maybe even the following  “What, are you kidding me! I have to pay full price! Ridiculous!”

Only to my children of course.

I politely ordered two regular milkshakes. Instead of four.

Chocolate for Katie and I to share.

Cookies and Cream for Brianna and Alex to share.

“$7 for milkshakes!”

Lots of grumbling and a few more sentences read.

I pull up to pay and the guy leans towards me and whispers sweet nothings in my direction.

I mean, he whispers that he has given me the happy hour price and tells me it’s $3 and change.

I beam, in love, thanking him profusely.

He hands me my change and my milk shakes.

I tell the girls I’m going to cry I’m so happy and thankful.

And I do.

It’s the little things right?