I feel like a bad friend.. I just have no desire what-so-ever to update LJ or respond to anyone.. I have been reading entries though.. My house has gone to crap.. It’s such a mess and just needs to be scrubbed down and organized.. Things need to be thrown away.. I have all these ideas on how I want it decorated and no money to do it.. I know what I am doing.. I am making a massive list in my head of what I want done and it is just too much so I shut down and don’t do any of it.. Such is my life.. I wish that I could get out of this cycle.. Why can’t I get over it.. I guess because I have been doing it all my life and it is so hard to change.. I really should pray about it more.. heck I should pray about it period.. I don’t think that I ever have.. I just don’t know.. I want to better myself, but I don’t know how.. There are just so many things that I feel I need to work on and I don’t know where to start.. I feel so good when everything is organized and in it’s place and it’s like I forget that and let everything go.. Not just my home, but myself, my relationships with others.. Sigh.. I have my follow up appointment with Amy today about the Zoloft.. I’ll talk to her about everything..