Brian and I’s intimacy has been on the backburner. Ever since I was pregnant with Katie, things have been bad physically between us. It started when he confessed to having an addiction with internet porn. I was devistated. I don’t think I have ever cried so hard in my life. I felt so degraded and it didn’t help that I was hugely pregnant either. It rocked Brian’s world to see how much he had hurt me. He hasn’t done it since, but the damage has been done. My self-image has been shattered. I look at my post-kid body and feel as though I just can’t compare. I’m not sure how to get past this really. It has really shaken our marriage up. I’ve been praying on it a lot.
I tried so hard in regards to being physical last night and in the end I just couldn’t do it. I mean, I can kiss him, but anything more than that, I just can’t do. He got very frustrated with me, said I teased him and went up to bed. He apologized for his behavior this morning in a note. Said he feels awful for what he has done. I just can’t seem to get past this. It has hurt me so deeply..
I really need a lot of prayer on this. Prayer that God will give me a physical desire for my husband and that he would soften my heart towards him as well.