Marriage, My Husband

Struggles..

Brian and I’s intimacy has been on the backburner. Ever since I was pregnant with Katie, things have been bad physically between us. It started when he confessed to having an addiction with internet porn. I was devistated. I don’t think I have ever cried so hard in my life. I felt so degraded and it didn’t help that I was hugely pregnant either. It rocked Brian’s world to see how much he had hurt me. He hasn’t done it since, but the damage has been done. My self-image has been shattered. I look at my post-kid body and feel as though I just can’t compare. I’m not sure how to get past this really. It has really shaken our marriage up. I’ve been praying on it a lot.

I tried so hard in regards to being physical last night and in the end I just couldn’t do it. I mean, I can kiss him, but anything more than that, I just can’t do. He got very frustrated with me, said I teased him and went up to bed. He apologized for his behavior this morning in a note. Said he feels awful for what he has done. I just can’t seem to get past this. It has hurt me so deeply..

I really need a lot of prayer on this. Prayer that God will give me a physical desire for my husband and that he would soften my heart towards him as well.

15 thoughts on “Struggles..”

  1. My darn e-mail isn’t working!! I can check messages but can’t send them. I can’t wait until my computer gets here!!! It’s shipped already so I might possibly get in on Friday. I ordered a Dell.

    I’m sorry that your having trouble. ((HUGS)) You’ll be in my prayers. If men only understood before they did these things how much we take to heart. Lee once made a comment on my “tummy” that sticks in my head everytime we are “together”. I’m sure that Brian had no idea what how badly this would affect you when he did what he did from the tings you say about him it’s obvious that he loves you deeply and regrets hurting you. Maybe you could try to focus on that and what a beautiful thing intimacy is between the two of you in God’s eyes. I know how hard it is to let these things go and I don’t make my suggestion as if it’s just a piece of cake. I’ll be praying for you and I’m sure God will help you overcome this.

    I read that you are getting baptized, that’s wonderful! I’m so excited for you. Your e-mail the other day really kicked me in the butt to look at my own relationship with God at the moment. I seem to be wondering around by myself again. I don’t know why I end up doing that so easily when I know first hand what a huge difference it makes when I’m close to him.

    Like

  2. I hit post before I asked how Brianna was feeling? Poor sweetie. šŸ˜¦ I hate it when the kids are sick. Eli is sick here too. He has had a cold for a while and today he has thrown up a few times. I think it may just be mucous that he’s been trying to cough up for a while. That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.

    I hope Brianna feels better!

    Like

  3. I will pray for you. I also think that you and your DH need to sit down (with out the kids) and have a talk about this. The subject needs attention because how it is affecting your life isn’t what I would call healthy. What he had done needs some type of closure for you. That is what it sounds like to me. It sounds like you never forgive him. That is just my opinion. I veiw things differently.

    Like

  4. I hope your computer comes soon! I love Dell!! They are awesome and their customer service is excellent! I go to them for all of my computer needs!

    Thanks for the prayers, I really believe in prayer! I know what you mean about the slightest comment sticking in your head. I do that too. I need God to take that from me. If I could just focus on the present and not on the past.. sigh..

    I’m glad that I could be an encouragement to you in your walk with Christ! I know that you are definitely an encouragement to me šŸ™‚ I’m very thankful to have you as a sister!

    Like

  5. She finally kicked the fever! She threw up some mucous last night though, but that is because she was coughing so hard.

    Now Katie is sick.. sigh.. will it ever leave!

    I hope that Eli starts feeling better soon!

    Like

  6. Thank you for the prayers. I know that he will never do it again. But when we are doing anything physical it seems to flood back. It’s not really that I haven’t forgiven him. I have. I hate how he beats himself up about it. But it really affected me deep down. My self-image has been damaged and I’m trying to pick up the pieces and move on but it is difficult to do that.

    Like

  7. Oh honey I know all to well what you are going through. I never posted about it because I kind of felt ashamed, but I caught Robert doing the same thing and it tore me to pieces. It was right after Robbie was born and my tummy still looked like a deflated balloon. It was the worst possible way to hurt me. I was so self-conscious about myself. Not to mention at the end of my pregnancy I kept having all types of dreams about Robert cheating on me (my insecurities)

    It nearly tore us apart. I didn’t think I’d ever “get over it”. Robert felt terrible about it all though. He didn’t think it would hurt me as much as it did. It takes me a while to let go of things and I finally started focusing on all the reasons I love him….I know it’s hard. Lots of prayers honey. He sounds very remorseful and loves you a lot. it will get better…..

    Like

  8. same thing w/us. *sigh* What the hell is it with men & internet porn?!? GEEZ!! I was pg at the time, too. šŸ˜¦ I thought I’d never forgive him, my heart was shattered & I still get hurt by it when I think about it even though I have forgiven him.

    Veronica honey I am praying for you guys. I know how hard it is to move past something like this. If you ever need to talk I’m here. *hugs*

    Like

  9. This is not related to the porn issues but I seriously had no desire after each of the girls until they were over a year old. So throw all those Mommy hormones in with a hubby that made a mistake and you have a problem. I know you will find a way to work through this sweetie! Many hugs to ya!

    Like

  10. Maybe spice it up a bit?? Do something that will get you “going”. I can’t comment on the Inet porn because I look at it myself and I buy porn for me and DH (errr…well did). I think you do need to truly forgive him and move on…otherwise it’ll eat you up inside ((HUGS))

    Like

  11. Unfortunately I have a lot of experience in this type of situation.
    Ben and I have fought over this many, many times.
    I think, honestly time is the only thing that helps.
    I still sometimes let myself get all worked up over it, but mostly I’ve found that I just have to not think about it, or I’ll get upset all over again about it, and inevitably end up saying something to Ben that I shouldn’t. Sometimes it’s very hard and I have to really concentrate on not thinking about it. With time I think about it less and less.
    I’ve forgiven him, but it’s that forgetting part that I find hard.
    ((HUGS)) I’m so, so sorry you’re going through this Veronica. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

    Like

  12. So sorry I missed this post hun. šŸ˜¦

    I’m praying everything works out for the both of you….I’m sure it will. If you ever want to vent/chat, please let me know.

    HUGS!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s