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hm…

I cut down my friends list, because if I’m going to truly use this place as an outlet, then I only want true friends here, some of you I am just getting to know and the majority I have “known” you forever..

In an effort to deepen relationships, I dropped people who don’t update at all, or seem at all interested in reading my journal. I don’t care if you never comment, though it would be nice. I just want to share with myself and those I know really do care.

So if you see this, it’s because I know you really care and I am so thankful to call you a friend. Thanks for being there for me, and watch out, because you may just have opened the gates to all the craziness that is me!

And seriously, it really does take a lot for me to open up beyond my comfort level, which means not opening up much at all.

(My freshman year of college, I hadn’t allowed anyone to see me upset or crying until about a month before it was over and even then it was only 1 person. And I felt close to all my friends there.)

I don’t like showing weakness, I would rather internalize everything and then explode, which I believe is why I am prone to depression, and self-hate.. blah..

Like I said before, you opened the flood gates. I am not always hiding, there are genuine good, even great times, but when I crash, I crash hard..

No comments. This is about me, and as much as I would love to hear feedback. This post isn’t about some popularity contest in which the people I kept on can thank me and give me love. It’s about me and my feelings and letting myself know that I can “talk” with you special people, because you have showed you care and I care for you..

The end.

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