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Oh where have I been…

I’ve been busy.. but not too busy LOL.. I have been LJ MIA though, except for the occasional comment and during the weekend I’m not on much. I’ve been doing projects around the house and I’m nowhere near finished. What I have really done is made a huge mess. There are clothes, toys, and just “stuff” everywhere.

Why do I start a project and before I finish it start a new project and then before I know it have ten different things going and not one accomplished???

Something for me to work on..

and I’ll put this in as a side note because I don’t really want to think about it.. I was/maybe still am dangerously close to the start of an eating disorder. My mind says what a good idea it would be, and I have been thinking about it and over analyzing it and even went so far as trying it, but felt so ridiculously bad about it that I couldn’t and just cried.. But I’m not sure if I was crying because I didn’t succeed or because I knew/know it is wrong and was glad I stopped myself… hm…. Or, should I confess that I probably have something that isn’t really classified as and eating disorder by professional standards, but is on the verge of being labeled as one, and that it is only a matter of time or an emotional bomb goes off before it goes into an entirely different direction. One that I could be quoted as saying, that is disgusting, and I could never do that in a million years..

And I can’t believe I’m even writing this in here, except for my quest with honesty… Praying Brian doesn’t read this, or maybe praying that he does…

7 thoughts on “Oh where have I been…”

  1. oh honey!!!!! ((Hugs)) I think you posted this to get it out… off your chest! Seek medical attention, honestly…. you would not only be risking your health… but your girls as well. If you want to lose weight, go thru your physician and they should be able to help you with something ((hugs)) I’ll pray for you hun!

    On the other note… I’m the same way… I think it stems from ADHD, I get 10 projects going @ the same time… I start w/ the kitchen, find something that has to go in the living room, then start on something there. Go to fold laundry, then go upstairs and realize the drawers could be reorganized. Yup! You’re not alone!

    ((mega hugs))

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  2. Veronica – I’m also a walking time bomb on the eating disorder thing. I know I could go into full-fledged anorexia at any time. I’ve read and read and read and done tons of research on it, and it still haunts me.

    Fortunately, Joe knows what to look for with me, and will not let it happen. And he knows that if I think about it, I’ll not get to that point.

    It’s really funny, because now I’m seriously struggling with being overweight, but I know I have to eat to lose weight.

    I’m glad you can be introspective enough to figure out that it is NOT a positive behavior. Peace to you, in all your struggles.

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  3. I have struggled with my weight ever since I had children and SO many times have been to the point of desperation that I would starve myself or think thoughts of having an ED. I am so sorry. 😦 Have you tried WW? I had great success on it.

    ((huge hugs))

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  4. I am recovering from eating disorders. I’ve been pretty good since Michael and I got together in 1998. He knows all the signs and doesn’t hesitate to get on me about it. I was bulemic in high school, then went to Anorexia and a fairly hefty speed addiction. I weighed 98 pounds and I used to stand in the mirror and cry because I was so fat. I had to buy jeans in the little boys section at Old Navy, but I was convinced I was fat. HA. I wish I was that thin now! I am not the most successful dieter now, because old habits die hard and there are times when I simply can’t diet because it will become unhealthy.

    I don’t know if you are thinking about going down that road, or you are already down it. If you can manage it, stay away. It is not healthy, it is not fun. I will have kidney damage for the rest of my life, something I hate. But it’s my fault, I abused my body and will have scars for life.

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  5. Big hugs! I am glad you wrote about this because talking about it what will help you work through it. Is there a family doctor you can mention this to? Not only can they help you emotionally but help you come up witha healthy lifestyle. Take care of yourself :).

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  6. Hey V,

    I dont know what to say because i dont really know what you are goign threw… i just wanted you to know that i have read this, i care and please seek medical advice. 🙂

    Big hugs chick!

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  7. I had an eating disorder in high school. It wasn’t even threatening my life or anything like that. Most people who counsel for these things will say that eating disorders don’t usually stem from weight issues. It can start off that way, but that isn’t usually the sustaining force. Most eating disorders are a way for the sufferer to have an amount of control over something- what goes in, stays in or comes out of your body.

    PLEASE get help. There is nothing to be ashamed of!!!! NOTHING! There are so many other people who have the same affliction. See if there is a group or even talk to your pastor, sometimes you can call a local hospital to find out where groups might be held. (I had to stop Eating disorder therapy because my mom’s insurance would not pay for it- but I was still seeing a psychologist so that helped!!)

    ((((HUGS)))) Remember I am always here for you!!!!!!

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