I feel so alone and I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I don’t want to deal with anything right now. I feel like I shouldn’t be home with the kids because we need more money than what I’m making watching Deana’s kids. But at the same time I don’t feel as though I should work outside the home because then the girls are with my Mom, and she and I fight more because of it, and then she doesn’t like spending time with her grandkids since she sees them everyday, but as a parental figure, not grandma figure. Plus our family dynamic just works so much better when I am at home.
I frustrated because we are trying to get out of debt and it seems like everything is being thrown our way to stop us from doing so. We are very blessed to have only the car, house and student loan debts. But they are so big that it will take forever, especially since we don’t have that much extra.
We do have savings, so we won’t go into debt because of all this stuff coming up financially but it does put is back at paying stuff off 😦
I just don’t want to talk to anyone, but at the same time I don’t want to be alone. I want to talk to someone.
Does that make sense???? I’m sure a lot of these feelings are magnified because of my hormones being out a whack thanks to AF.. but still..
I’m just tired. I’m tired of trying to keep everything together and being “I’m fine, everything’s a-okay” to everyone who asks. I’m not fine, everything’s not a-okay. Why do I feel the need to be emotionless when it comes to my friendships. Why do I have an open door policy, an open heart to trying to make everyone else ok and feel better. But when I need someone I can’t reach out and ask for it.. Why don’t I trust my friends with my innermost feelings???
Why do I feel the need to hide away so no one knows who I am???