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Quiet

For some reason I’ve gone into quiet mode. Not sure exactly why, probably all this stuff that is going on with the cars and money. I’ve noticed that Brian and I have our mini-meltdowns at separate times. So when I freak out, he is nothing but calm, telling me everything is going to work out and we’ll be ok. That we have an “emeregency fund” for a reason and that even though all this stuff has happened we aren’t going to go into debt because of it. Then when he freaks out, I’m in calm mode. I thank God for it because if we were both freaking out, it wouldn’t be good at all.

I keep thinking about my friend Ang and all she is going through right now. I seriously cannot imagine and my heart justs aches for her, Levi and the kids. She is so strong and I just know I would be a mess. I’m praying that God keeps infusing her with the strength to continue to be the best Mom and Wife she can be during this sad time, but also that He gives her the strength to reach out and ask for help if she needs it.

I have playgroup at the house today and I was just cleaning up the kitchen. I have a few more things to do. I usually dread playgroup because that means I have to socialize with my friends. I know that must sound really weird, it does to me, but I get super shy and retreat into myself. I’m great at online conversations, because I have time to think about what I want to say, but IRL convos are kind of hard for me. It’s funny because my friend Kelly and I are both the same when it comes to stuff like this, yet we can talk for hours! I am usually ok around people that are more extroverted and ask a lot of questions. If you ask, I will tell usually, and as long as you keep the convo going, I can keep up my end. It’s starting it that I royally suck at. Anyway, as much as I don’t want playgroup, I do. Because I usually have a good time and afterwards feel better.

This time next week we will be waiting to pick up Debbie (Brian’s stepmom). And then she and Brianna will be flying out together on Friday and won’t be coming back until the following Thursday. Brianna is beyond excited, but I know it’s going to be weird around the house. I’m really going to miss her and I know Katie will miss her. She’s going to have so much fun though. I didn’t feel comfortable with her going when she was 3, as Katie was about to be born and I thought that she was too young and with the new baby, she might feel like she was being replaced. Last summer we all went out to PA. So this is the first time she will be away from us for such a long period of time! I’m looking forward to the break, but at the same time I know I’m going to miss her like crazy 😦

Alright, I better get back to cleaning. I’m sure I’ll have more things to write as I think about them. I just really want to work on writing everything I’m feeling down instead of keeping it inside until it slowly disappears. I have nothing to reflect on then and all those feelings just get lost as I push them aside..

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