Brian and I have been discussing one of of us getting a second job. Once Conner goes to kindy, August 25, I’m going to be losing income. Income that we need, so we need to figure something out. I’ve not really been praying about it, in fact, when it comes to prayer I’ve been doing well praying about everyone else, but not for us. I’ve been kind of distant from God these last couple of weeks, not sure why. I tend to retreat into myself when stress hits and it has been hitting pretty hard the last two weeks. So books, tv and the internet has been my comfort. I just don’t know why I continue to do that.
Anyway, back to the jobs. When I went to get gas a week ago, the UDF was hiring and it was around $11/hr and I thought hey I could do that. But I have a fear of gas stations. I seriously fear that if I step inside one, or someone I love does that it is going to be robbed and I’m going to be shot and killed. I know it is an irrational fear, but it’s a fear non the less. It’s open 24 hours and I think it would be flexible enough for me to work, but that fear is keeping me from doing it. That and deep down I don’t want to work outside of the house. But I think that is me just being lazy. I don’t know. It feels like evertime I have worked outside the home our homelife goes to hell. And Brian and I end up fighting all of the time and it just makes matters worse. I don’t know if it’s because the only reason I would be going to work is for the money. It seems that whenever we do something just for the money it seems to blow up in our faces. I mean it really isn’t the right motivation. I don’t know.. Just thoughts..
I better go, my household is starting to fall apart. Time for Brandon’s morning nap! Kelly is coming over with Grant and Addie at 10. I’m looking forward to spending some time with my good friend!