I haven’t felt like journaling this week, but I did just write this to Kelly and since it describes my week a bit, I though I would put it in here..
I’m doing alright. I had counseling on Wednesday and it went pretty well.. Somehow we started talking about the nightmares I get sometimes, but that is hard to explain in an email, so if you want to hear about them remind me next time we are together. I did have a wierd convo last night though. Sean called to see how I was and if I wanted to switch, why I wanted to switch, if I wanted him to share info with Amanda.. If I wanted to go ahead and cancel our last sessions. I said yes.. I told him that I just thought Amanda’s style was better for me because I have issues with living in this cycle that I can’t seem to get out of and maybe talking about the past, instead of the present will help with that… I’ve been kind of depressed and avoidant this week.. The house has gone to hell. There are so many dishes in the sink I would have to take them out to start washing them. Doing laundry was non-existent as well.. I also avoided phonecalls, letting them go straight to voicemail.. Blah.. I did talk to my Dad this week. I had a bad day, I think Monday maybe.. He called me to see what was going on and I told him I was freaking out about our car situation.. He actually made me feel better, said he would leave his keys on his desk at work for Brian to use his car this week. That in the grand scheme of things we were doing just fine and that everything I was upset about would work out.. I was exactly what I needed to hear.. Gave me some perspective..
Cell group last night was good.. CJ and Jen H*, who are new to LCC came to visit our group. They were really nice. Katie did well with the babysitter and came upstairs to go potty twice.. I held Shelby pretty much the whole time and the girls were totally loving on her as well, said we need a new baby.. Even Katie said she wanted another baby, which before when we would ask her she would say no..
The girls had their well checks yesterday.. Dr. Rothermel was highly impressed with Katie’s potty training and said she would say she is trained. She still is having the poop issue, but that is tough for kids and she tells me she has to go.. Brianna is super tall.. She is in her size 8 clothes today, skipped right over 7’s!!!! She also had to get shots, which she didn’t cry. Even said. “Mommy, I don’t like shots, but I know that I need them to keep me healthy” How cute is that!!!
The other day I got berated by my Mom.. Going on and on about how I’m not happy and that it’s a mistake for me to be off birthcontrol.. And she sees an “opps” in our future and just going on and on about how we can’t even afford to buy a car and having a baby would be stupid.. And all I did was smile and evil smile.. Because Brian and I totally messed up this month.. So a May baby very well could be in our future.. I should be getting my period in a couple of days.. Brian was really irritated though, because he says we’re married, it’s our lives and if we choose to have another baby, then we have another baby (if God has it planned of course LOL)
Anyway.. Sometimes I think it would be better if my parents didn’t live around here because sometimes I feel stuck in daughter wants to please parents mode.. Not daughter needs to live her own life with her family and not care what parents think about it mode haha…
I told Brian I wanted a kitten, he told me no, because it was just a temporary cuddly fix, he’s right…