Journaling makes me feel like I’m going to be sick. Maybe it’s anxiety. I feel as though I am trying to process way to much information and feeling and my brain has just shut down. My chest hurts. Like there is something trying to claw it’s way out of my heart. The tears just behind the surface, shimmering slightly in the light. I feel the need to run away and never come back but those thoughts and feelings give the tears the energy they needed to fall..

I just want to curl up in bed and go to sleep, as long as I am able to control my dreams.



(Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, paper flowers) [X2]

I linger in the doorway
Our alarm clock screaming
Monster’s calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops, as they’re falling, tell a story

In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby (flowers)
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me (flowers)

Don’t say I’m out of touch
With this rampant chaos – your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to escape


Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh, how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light


(Paper flowers)

3 thoughts on “1057”

  1. I’m so sorry that it is bothering you so much to journal right now V. It makes me sad. What if you made your entries private so you could just spill out everything with no fear of being judged. Then if you go back later and feel like you need some feedback from it you can make it visible to your friends.

    If I could jump through the computer and give you a hug I would do it in a second. Love ya V.


  2. It’s interesting because you know I get into my mia-moods, but I really think that I haven’t been up to journaling because it is part of my homework for counseling this week and I’ve never been one to like doing what I’m told, it’s like I draw a blank and can’t do it.. So I think that is partly why I have so much anxiety over it.. But yeah, this entry was private for like two days and now I look at it and wonder why I made it private, I think it’s just because I seem to say the same thing over and over and nothing changes, kind of boring and I don’t feel like bothering people.. but yeah..

    I love you Crystal! I miss you tons, maybe I should hop on a plane and come visit, of course I don’t have the money or anyone to watch the kids LOL…


  3. Sorry you’re feeling down! I’m sorry I haven’t read LJ for a while. i hope you feel better.

    By the way, Hocking Hills is beautiful We went there in 1988 during the big drought when the falls were totally dry, and hope to visit it again someday! We just went to Atwood lake 2 weeks ago if you know where that is.


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