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Because my husband loves me…

He wrote me the following email this morning and while I feel so insecure at the moment with everything going on, he makes me feel so very loved and cherished.

Please know that I love you and will always support you.  Also know that I want to walk with you through what you are going through and I am proud of you for hitting this thing head on.
 
We are faced with a very important decision and we have very little time to make it.  So I would ask that you think and pray about this and I would like to talk about this tonight, because we need to submit our benefits.
 
First I will lay out the scenario then give you my thoughts:
 
We were planning on starting to try for a baby in January.  If we got pregnant within the first three months we would have a baby in 2007.  You will be going to a psychiatrist sometime soon and they are going to put you on a mood stabalizer and possibly an anti-depressant.  As far as it seems, I don’t think you could take this type of medication while pregnant or I would think while you were nursing.  One thing I would ask you to do today is maybe call the doctor and ask them that question, unless you know the answer for sure.  But, assuming that is true, we can’t do both – try to get pregnant and you taking medication.  Which leaves us with a very tough decision….
 
This is a huge decision for US.  But I need to know your thoughts because either way this is going to affect you more because it is your body, what you are feeling day in and day out, and at the same time, I know you are really ready to start trying for another baby.
 
Here are my thoughts: Come the beginning of the year, I am ready to start trying to add to our family.  I am comfortable with how long we have waited and even if we get pregnant right away, Katie would be a little over three years old and Brianna would have just turned 6.  So I am cool with the time frame.  To be completely honest, I hope it takes a few months and Katie is closer to 3 1/2.  But that is just me being completely open and honest.  Nonetheless, I am ready to have another child around that timeframe and would welcome and be excited about the addition to our family (even if it is a girl).
 
At the same time, I am very concerned about how you have been feeling and I want to walk with you through this and see you get better.  I think it is important that you do get better.  And I think that taking medication would be a huge help.  Now, you can’t do this and have us try for a baby at the same time.  So it’s one or the other.  Taking medication for a few months really would not do anything.  Maybe a question you could ask the doctor today is about a timeframe.  Say we wanted you to take medication and we wanted to try for a baby (which in essense, we do want both).  How long would you be on medication?  Would we have to wait over a year or more to try for another baby?  Would you want to wait?
 
My thoughts are this…we could try for another baby and you would probably be happy.  But would doing that just be supressing what you are really dealing with?  What if you took medication and we waited another year to try?  Could you deal with that?  And if we did wait, how long would we truely have to wait until you were off medication?  Is there medication you can take while pregnant?  I would ask that you please call the doctor today to get some answers on taking medication and being pregnant so that we can make an informed decision.
 
This is our decision, but I feel it is vital that we get your feelings out on the table.  Whatever we decide, I will find a way to make it work financially.  I am going to call your dad tomorrow with what we are going to do and ask him for his advice in terms of which plan to pick.
 
Most importantly, know that I love and support you no matter what.

 
Brian

9 thoughts on “Because my husband loves me…”

  1. Thats sweet of him. Thats a true husband to let you know its UP TO YOU as well.. I think you should take time for yourself to heal and get better emotionally before another baby is brought into this world. But thats just me. I have two people in my family that are bi-polar and they have their moments but it is able to be controlled with medication as long as you are doing your job! But whatever you decide, you have a great husband to suppport you..

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  2. I just wanted to let you know that we faced this dilema as well after Reese, whether to take anti-d’s or not. I know it isn’t in the same ballpark as what you are going through, but we agonized over it as well. The decision was made for us when I broke out in a full-body rash from the Zoloft (we decided not to try another anti-d) but there are times I wonder if I should be on one instead of TTC another child. I often wonder if I am trying to fix myself with another baby. I agonize over it every time I get super down and out (a few times a week at this point). I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone, it is a very difficult decision to make. I am praying for you sweetie.

    Whatever you decide, follow your heart. I’m glad you have such an awesome hubby. Levi was also very concerned about meds/ttc.
    I just wanted to let you know that not having meds is VERY VERY hard some days, and there are times I doubt my decison…

    ((Hugs))

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  3. aww, Brian sounds like such a great husband. Just so you know there are meds that have been tested that are considered ‘safe’ during pregnancy. I was on Wellbutrin my whole pregnancy and Hailey is just fine. Definitely talk to your doc about your plans for a baby and see what he/she recommends.

    hugs!

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  4. also wanted to add, I was concerned about taking meds while pregnant. However my doctor always said they would much rather have people who are happy and stable with meds during a pregnancy than having people who are not. With hormones going crazy its important to have your mental health under control. keep me posted.

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  5. Your husband sounds so sweet and perfect. Maybe it is hormones but that made me cry. Also when we decided to start trying for another child I talked to my doctor and he said the same thing Joanna did. The medicine should be safe and it is much safer to have a happier and healthier mommy. I hope your decision is easy and everything works out for you and your family.

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  6. What a super guy 🙂 Most men, I don’t think, would even contimplate those kind of issues… but he is wanting to think it straight thru. Good man! 🙂 Good luck w/ your decision hun! ((hugs))

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  7. WOW! I wish my husband was this open and forthcoming with his feelings and thinking things out.

    You are very blessed! I hope you can come to some agreeable decisions. I can imagine how hard it will be to figure out.

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  8. What a wonderful man you have there, V. Its very touching that he is 100% concerned with your wants/needs & well-being! You are blessed! I am sure the two of you will figure something that works well for your family *hugs*

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  9. WTG Brian! That is wonderful that he took the time to write out his concerns/feelings. Good luck making the decision, it is a tough one but at least your hubby is by your side!

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