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Reflections

I was just bawling my eyes out in counseling this morning about my  “abandonment” issues. My being adopted really affected my life, not only in a positive way but also in a negative way. I grew up trying to fit everyone’s mold of who they wanted me to be because I so badly feared rejection and the pain that comes along with it. Now I’m trying to rebuild and find out exactly who I am and or who I want to become. I back away from relationships. I don’t fully connect so that there can never truly be a chance for me to get too hurt. I don’t allow myself to get hurt. But that is no a way to live my life. How can I be a godly woman/wife/mother/friend if I never fully connect to God/myself/my husband/my kids/my friends!

Just a reflection brought on by a friendship I adore!

8 thoughts on “Reflections”

  1. i hope the sessions continue to help you veronica and that you are able to work through all of this you are such a great person you deserve a life without feeling so badly

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  2. How old were you when you were adopted? I have no idea how much age plays into it….do you think it did for you. (If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it, that’s ok).

    I’m glad you are sticking it out with counseling….I know it can be hard! Love ya V!

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  3. I was in foster care from birth to 3 months. I always thought and still do that it was awesome that I was adopted. My phrase was always, “your parents just got you, I was hand picked” ๐Ÿ˜‰ But I really think subconsciously I had issues with it. I grew into a huge people pleaser and still have issues that I’m not good enough. I mean I constantly ask Brian if he really loves me because I just can’t grasp it, let alone God. I have huge issues attaching to people, I usually never get close enough, I don’t want to get hurt. It got worse after I had Brianna and Katie. Once I had kids and realized the bond I had with them, even just being pregnant with them, and at 21 and 24.. I really couldn’t understand why my 23 year old, beautician bio-mom couldn’t keep me ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I guess I’m working through everything.. The depressions and avoidance issues really don’t help either. It’s like intellectually I completely understand adoption and think it is such a wonderful gift. Emotionally is a completely different story..

    Crystal, you are such a good friend! I feel completely comfortable sharing everything with you ๐Ÿ˜‰

    *hugs*

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  4. How old were you when you found out about the adoption? And your brother, is he older or younger? I can’t remember. Does he have any issues with it? He is adopted too, right?

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  5. My Mom and I would watch Sesame Street together and when I was 2 one of the episodes was about adoption. My Mom told me I was adopted and I was special just like whoever was just adopted on Sesame Street. So I’ve just always known!

    Dwight is younger by 4 years. He is adopted too, but not the same family. They even had me “sign” for him, but mostly just to have me feel like I was apart of everything. His adoption had more issues with it, and he actually has some full blood relatives out there somewhere.

    I don’t know if he has issues with it, we’ve never really talked about it before. We have such different personalities though. He is harder than I am, I’m much more sensitive about things..

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