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What’s goin on…

It’s been while since I have really wanted to LJ. I’ve mostly been reading my FL but not replying much. I feel kind of lost right now. I love my LJ, looking back through the years I’ve had it, but I’m not exactly sure what my purpose or motivation is anymore. I think it would be different if I was using it purely for my eyes only, or just having a select few friends reading it, those I have relationships outside of LJ or feel really connected to. At the same time I’m not really sure that would prompt me to write more either.  I’ve been feeling the need to close this chapter of my life, but at the same time wonder if I would regret it a week from now.

Brian and I have been really close, mostly because we have been reading, what we think, is the greatest marriage book out there, Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson E. Eggerichs. It’s based upon scripture. Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” It has truly opened our eyes to our relationship and why we have been feeling the ways we have. My actions toward Brian, though I never would have considered it disrespect, in all actuality were disrespect. And I would feel completely unloved, though I knew intellectually speaking that he did indeed love me. Now I know why I have felt so unloved, and why he completely shuts down sometimes, because of my disrespect. And now he knows why I disrespect him and grow cold to him, because of his lack of love. After reading just a few chapters of this book (we are reading it for our “pre”marital counseling for renewing our vows) I started to see how I was slowly but surely chipping away at his very soul by disrespecting him and he in turn found it very difficult to give me the love I needed. The book explains it much better than I, but it has done wonders and now I see marriage in a completely different light. It truly has been life changing. I highly recommend it (whether you are religious or not). Men and woman are truly wired differently, it’s no wonder that marriage isn’t some blissful union, its hard work. We had our first “pre”marital counseling this past Tuesday. It went really well and I’m looking forward to growing closer to Brian and to Christ through all of this. It’s going to be an amazing journey. I’m sure there will be luaghter, hardship, tears, but it is so worth it!

Brian has an interview today for a Proposal Analyst job within Ashland. He directly report to my old boss and above her is his old boss. It is a great opportunity to branch out from customer service, get a lot of contacts and have a lot of doors opened up to him as well as it is higher paying. We are really praying that he gets this position.  His interview is at 1:30, if you think about it and want to pray specifically for him 🙂 He has felt burnt out a bit as a CS Lead and Global 1 power user. He is bombarded with questions all day long and it is hard for him to get his work done because of it. I think he is really hoping that he gets this new job because it’s a complete change of pace, still fast and customer focused but he would be able to get it done, because he wouldn’t have all of the questions! I can tell that he has been stressed about it all. I hope things level out soon.

I’ve been dealing with some big changes of my own as well. I started weaning off my Trileptal. Side effects, the cost of meds, as well as our wanting to TTC in the near future all lead to Brian and I’s decision to stop the meds. I spoke with my psychiatrist, Dr. Abrams and we came to a plan of taking 3 weeks to wean off. I’m on week 2 right now. I will continue to see her once a month to be monitored as well as signed a release so that she could converse with my counselor, Amanda. I also upped my counseling sessions to a double session once a week. We feel that we have all our bases covered. I’ve had two moments where I started to freak out a bit and thought we had made the wrong decision and I wanted the meds back. Thankfully the moments passed within a couple of hours. I’ve been charting  for 10 cycles and have been pretty good at the preventing thing, knock on wood LOL. Our goal is to prevent until July, which is when we go to Kaui 🙂 But if it happened before that we wouldn’t be upset about it. I’ve been trying to refocus and deepen relationships in my life and have been doing pretty well with it. I have a pretty amazing support network and I’m really thankful for it. If it seemed as though I was pursuing you and kind of stopped abruptly or tapered off it is probably because my depression started to kick in a bit this week. I’m trying to work through it.

Brianna has been doing alright. She has had some major listening/attitude issues lately, but we are trying to work through them. It’s been kind of rough and draining. We have all of her paperwork for Cypress Christrian School sitting on our counter and I have to look at it and fill it out. We’ve 80% come to the decision to send her there. It’s going to be very expensive, my parents have offered to pay the tuition, but it’s more a matter of if we want them to do that. I think besides being in a Christian environment and having Jesus’ love and principles being reinforced, my biggest desire for her to go there is that she wouldn’t have to change schools if we moved within Central Ohio, like we will eventually do. That and even if we did still live here during her middle school years, we would not be sending her to the public middle or high school. I moved around so much and while I enjoyed it at times, I also hated it at times. I would really like to be more stable and stay in one place. I never had that and I really want that for my children. Brianna is really excited about going into kindergarten regardless, though she would love to go to Cypress becaus Conner goes there and Taylor will be going there, maybe will get to be in class together for the 3 year in a row!

Katie is relearning the whole potty thing. She had been so traumatized by her constipation and incredibly hard poop that she refused to sit on the potty. So she pretty much retrained herself to do diapers. She is pretty good at going on the potty for pee, she’s had a few accidents, but mostly from realizing hey, I don’t have a diaper anymore, I can’t just pee anywhere like I was doing. She has not pooped on the potty and has had quite a few poop accidents. I think she is still very fearful that it will hurt if she does go. Praying she gets past this soon. She is continueing to blow us away with what she says. She has some trouble with some sounds. Says pip instead of chip. bop instead of stop. One of the funniest things she said to me was, “I need my “pie-see” in regards to wanting her “privacy” while going potty LOL. And if you ask her what my name is, she says Mommy. Ask her what my other name is, Bronica. Too cute!

So that is some of what is going on in a nutshell. So much more of course, but hopefully I’ll come on more and keep updated so I can look back years from now and see what we were doing and where we were at!

20 thoughts on “What’s goin on…”

  1. Wow the chance for Briana to go to a Christian school is awesome. My friend teaches at a C/school and says he feels so fulfilled there and all the teachers are highly motivated to teach, and feel it is their calling. Can you imagine having people like that inputting into your child!!!

    I think you post really well but I understand your issues. I love to hear about your life and even though we will never probably meet it is a privelage to be a part of your journey!!

    Have a great day and keep smiling. xxxxxx

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  2. It’s great to hear from you Veronica!! I’m so glad you are doing well. I LOVE the Love and Respect book, I think I’ve gotten more out of that book then any other book I’ve ever read. It helped me SO much that I think everyone should read it. I’ve read it over and over but then I lent it to a friend and she never gave it back. I would buy it all over again though. That is so great that Brian is reading it with you, I got so much out of it but Lee wouldn’t read his part. Still though when I do my part in the respect department he seems to naturally be more loving so I guess it still works out,not that I still wouldn’t love it if he read it. 😉

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  3. I’m SO glad things are getting better for you guys. Your whole post was so positive, I love hearing about what’s going on (even though we can talk about it in other forms too 🙂 ) Keep up the reading, it seems to be doing wonders for you and Brian. I hope we can talk soon!!!

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  4. I’ve been thinking about you and wondering where you were. I’m so glad you updated! ❤
    The book sounds amazing. Your life sounds busy! Congrats on deciding to send Brianna to a Christian school!!! J goes to one and it’s fabulous. I wouldn’t send my dog to the public schools here, lol. Anyway, one of the reasons we wanted him to go there was the moving thing also – dh was moved around a LOT and he never wants our boys to change schools. It’s fantastic that your parents offered to pay tuition. That’s something we struggle with each month. I have no idea how we’ll afford Joshua’s preK tuition next yr. I’d take them up on the offer, and if you feel like your family should be contributing, I’m sure you could donate some every month, if it’s in your budget. These schools really depend on donations. I’m so excited, lol! I hope you love Brianna’s school like I love J’s!! ❤

    I’m sorry about Katie’s #2 problem, poor thing. 😦 {{HUGS}}

    {{{HUGS}}}
    I’m so glad you updated!!!
    -jo

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  5. I understand how you feel about LJ. I happen to be a terrible poster because I think my life is “dull” and no one will be interested.

    Sounds like other things are going well for you though. I think I will look into that book you mnetioned. Jeff and I are having some stresses in our life right now too, maybe it would help. I’ve also been looking for something that would bring us cloer together in a Christian manner. We’re not very good at that, Jeff hates church, but I’m really feeling like I need a Christian husband and leader for our home. It’s a touchy subject.

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  6. Hey Maria! I love that wiffy bag and the little heart baby toy that I won! I never thanked you for that, so thanks 😉

    How are you liking your new sewing machine? Getting better at it?

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  7. It really is awesome Mel, I think it should be required reading for everyone who gets married 😉

    I’ve missed you too, and was just thinking about you the other day, when I was looking at your pic on my fridge 🙂 I hope things are going well with you! Anything new going on?

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  8. That’s a big reason why I would love to send Brianna there. It is such a great opportunity for her.

    I never got to talk to you about last weeks LOST! What did you think? I seriously liked last weeks a whole lot better than this weeks. I felt like this weeks was, well, weak!

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  9. Isn’t it the greatest book ever! You know what, you are such a testimony to the Rewarded Cycle though. Lee might not have read the book or wanted to, but just doing your part actually motivates him to be a better husband anyway! That is awesome Mandy, I hope that one day he feels as though he can pick that book up and read it and that you can then be on the Energizing Cycle with you both practicing it!

    How are things going? Still going batty with being house bound, or have you been able to get out?

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  10. It really is Christine, you should definitely check it out. I think that if most married people picked up this book, read it and practiced it, the divorce rate would decrease tremendously!

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  11. Thanks 🙂 I know, it seems like it has been awhile since we talked on the phone or on AIM. Time just seems to be flying by these days though, I can’t believe it’s Friday already! I’ll try to hop on AIM sometime soon!

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  12. Jo, it is definitely a life changing book! Read it 🙂 It’s funny because half the time I don’t think I’m that busy, but I guess we do have a lot going on! I think we are really going to consider my parents offer and try to get Brianna into Cypress. Right now we can’t afford it, but we think it is such a great opportunity for her. Everyone is just so wonderful there, I hope she gets in and has as wonderful an experience as J has! I love how involved the parents are with everything as well, with volunteering and everything else. And because your paying for it, they get more done, when things need to be done!

    I’m really hoping she gets over the #2 problem, though she is too cute about it. I’ll know that she pooped in her panties and I will say, “Katie, did you poop?” and she yells, “What, I pooped!” like she is all confused and is asking me if she did or not LOL.

    I’ve missed you, I need to reply to your entries soon, I’ve been reading, just haven’t commented yet!

    *hugs*

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  13. LOL, I guess that is exactly how I feel. I’m not an eloquent writer, I don’t have huge amazing or none amazing things going on in my life. I just lead a “boring, day to day” life. Who wants to hear about that! But I will say, that when I look back to years past entries, those “boring, day to day” life entries are the ones I love to read, because you actually see what we were doing and were up to then! It’s kind of neat.

    I want to hear about your “dull” life!!!!! 🙂

    Tori, I definitely recommend the book. When you read it, you will be amazed by it and see how much power you have as a wife to change your marriage for the positive. It talks all about how we are just wired differently and when us women think we are doing right by telling our husbands how we feel sometimes, it actually makes them withdraw and not want to show us love! I think it would help your “touchy subject” tremendously.

    *hugs*

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  14. Yeah I know knowing that stuff can help…I know I try and be submissive & respectful, but I also know that *my* idea of respect and the way dh percieves it are 2 totally different things sometimes *lol* so I am sure we could both gain alot of perspective from reading it.

    Avoiding divorce…Thats just one of the reasons we practice NFP, …did you know that the rate of divorce among NFP using couples is LESS than 5% ? It’s true 😉

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  15. I loved last weeks Lost but I moaned last night when we watched it. I agree it was very weak. If I had been with that boy alongside Sawyer and Kate my list of questions would be immense. I NEED to know a bit more now.
    Last week I loved it more because I know the places they filmed, always adds something! Desmonds story is fantastic, imagine your head after experiencing that. What are your theories about the ‘Others’, a weird cult? Goverment run organisation? Aliens LOL?

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  16. I did not know that about NFP.

    Brian and I’s relationship definitely has changed positively since using FAM, though we don’t always obstain during the fertile time and use condoms/pull-out instead. But obviously we would rejoice if we got pg regardless of the measures taken to avoid.

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  17. Not too much!! I always want to sit down and make an update (how in the world did I ever have time to do it everyday??), but the days just get away from me. Just hanging in there! 🙂

    I will definitely get that book. Unfortunately I doubt Tom will read it (he doesn’t believe in reading *lol*), but will! I soooo love books like that, and I need it!

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