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I’m scared..

I have so much going on. My brain is going a mile a minute. I’m running here, running there. I’m trying to start huge projects, like painting, crocheting a huge blanket, leading a 12wk Bible study in my home.

I’m scared because when I get this wrapped up, with so many things going, it’s usually not a good sign for me. It means I’m on the manic side, thinking of way to many things I want to do and trying to do them all at once.

I’m wondering when it’s going to become to much for me and when I’m going to explode.

The last time I was like this I ended up knocking over a tall bookcase, throwing all the books, ripping the shelves out and kicking out the back, of it. Screaming at Brian that I hated him, repeatedly, pushed him down and ran sobbing from the room. I was pregnant at the time and I had been painting the house and trying to get everything ready. I was on overload, I should have noticed that all that I was doing wasn’t necessarily a good thing, at least for me.

I have been off meds for a long time now, because I needed to wean off them before trying to get pregnant. I can’t just take anti-depressants either, they make me too happy.

And I refuse to take meds while I’m breastfeeding my little guy.

Anyway..

That’s all…

17 thoughts on “I’m scared..”

  1. First and foremost, HUGS to one you V!

    The amazing part of this is that you recognized it before the explosion hit and that may help you cope more than when you weren’t realizing what you were taking on.

    Are there any particular activities or commitments that you don’t want to do, and could put off or if they are all ones you want to do, can you re-prioritize them?

    I am here for you, and so sorry that I didn’t get to talk to you today, I was in the throws of a lesson.

    I completely understand about not taking meds while breastfeeding and if you feel like antidepressants aren’t an option then you need to do what makes you most comfortable.

    What can I do to help? Shall we resume our daily chats? I miss you so much and I know that talking can help sometimes. I don’t want you to feel alone because you aren’t!

    I will call you first thing tomorrow and I hope you will be available, if not PLEASE call me as soon as you are.

    Love you tons!

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  2. I agree with the others in that recognizing the symptoms now before anything happens is a great sign so be proud of yourself for that!

    I don’t know what will help you but talking to friends or Brian about your feelings may help, a big thing is ASKING for help (I know that it’s a lot easier for me to give help than ask because I always feel like I’m supposed to do it all) or accepting help when offered, maybe even cutting back on your projects that aren’t pressing or firm like painting or crocheting.. if a few things can be put to the side for now then perhaps that overwhelming feeling won’t be so strong.. Anyways I hope you are able to sort things out.. ((((hugs)))

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  3. Oh hon I think we all go through that once in awhile, especially wives and mommies. I know I do too. Just dont try to overload yourself because if we allow it we can loose control. And before medicating yourself, which I see you dont want to do, try taking a step back in one of the things you want to do, and do it one step at a time. With three kids its hard, I know I have three and I loose it too, and no one understands why I am cranky or depressed half the time. (((Hugs)))

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  4. I totally agree with the other mommies that it is so good for you to recognize what’s going on. I hope you can just hold really hard and try to stop the momentum from going in a negative direction. Don’t allow yourself to do too much. Start saying no now, even to things that are “good in theory”. I’ll be praying about this. I know it must be difficult, especially with a little one wrapped around you. I hope things get better soon!

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  5. *hugs*

    Veronica, I am thinking of you. I think recognizing it is a good sign. Please know that I am thinking of you and I relate so much.

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  6. I was thinking the same thing, V. You KNOW your cycles. Ok so what can you do now? Can you go to the Y and punch something? do they have like kickboxing? Can you get out of the house and go to the reservoir and just SCREAM? anything to try and head off what you know is coming.

    OH how I wish I could be there. Im big, you could hit and punch and kick me. I don’t blame you for no meds. There has to be something we can do. Anything you need, Im here for you.

    I will be praying for you sweetie!

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  7. Thanks. I have definitely been more open to sharing with Brian, which he is thankful for. He would much rather talk things out than me get to the explosion stage and him not know what the heck is going on!

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  8. Thanks for the prayers. I’m hoping I don’t get to the explosion part, but usually a big cry in a hot shower with my music blasting helps a lot.

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  9. How about Wii boxing? Ok – maybe not suitable, but you could let out some steam that way.

    I would also echo everyone else’s opinion that it is a huge accomplishment to recognize that you are heading in that direction. Take it easy, Mama. Take care of yourself. Love ya.

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  10. I know we as moms and wives dont know what that means! lol Just remember we have to control our lives, not let our lives control us. If that sounds right. lol But if you cant do it all, dont worry about it, what matters is that you tried.

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  11. I’ll be praying for you! I’ve been reading the other comments and I am totally with your other friends. They all had a lot of good stuff to say! I’m sorry I just now read this! Take care of yourself!!

    Love ya 🙂

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