I have so much going on. My brain is going a mile a minute. I’m running here, running there. I’m trying to start huge projects, like painting, crocheting a huge blanket, leading a 12wk Bible study in my home.
I’m scared because when I get this wrapped up, with so many things going, it’s usually not a good sign for me. It means I’m on the manic side, thinking of way to many things I want to do and trying to do them all at once.
I’m wondering when it’s going to become to much for me and when I’m going to explode.
The last time I was like this I ended up knocking over a tall bookcase, throwing all the books, ripping the shelves out and kicking out the back, of it. Screaming at Brian that I hated him, repeatedly, pushed him down and ran sobbing from the room. I was pregnant at the time and I had been painting the house and trying to get everything ready. I was on overload, I should have noticed that all that I was doing wasn’t necessarily a good thing, at least for me.
I have been off meds for a long time now, because I needed to wean off them before trying to get pregnant. I can’t just take anti-depressants either, they make me too happy.
And I refuse to take meds while I’m breastfeeding my little guy.